Pause and Relax…

Posted on April 4, 2024 by Shuba

This morning I have a chance to do just that – Pause and Relax! It is a snow day and I’m home because school was cancelled. So, I could wake up later than usual and luxuriate in what might be the last snow of the season. The bird activity outside our window is at a high point and I feel the distinct absence of urgency – nothing else feels as pressing as simply being here, watching the birds with my morning chai and banana muffin.

Photo by Anji Sharma

Sometimes this pause comes our way due to circumstances (like this snow!) and at other times, it is a choice we make – to pause and slow down the activity. We do this as an act of care towards ourselves and others – to allow the reactivity to calm down, to notice the momentum that we are almost always caught in. We then have the space to allow the wisdom of our body and heart-mind to inform our next moment.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Viktor E. frankl

Sometimes, we are able to notice the impact of this pause, the freedom, in a big way: maybe we stop ourselves from saying something unkind or we restrain ourselves from hasty action. Other times, the impact of these pauses are imperceptible – a slight shifting in the tide – listening instead of speaking, settling instead of urging, tasting instead of swallowing, seeing instead of scanning past. And somehow, like the ripples in a pond created by a small pebble, the peace that is possible as a result of these tiny pauses ripple out into our worlds – we can show up with greater calmness, compassion and wisdom.

Does this feel true to you in your practice? Does pausing and relaxing/settling into the moment bring greater peace? I invite you to reflect on this inquiry, as a way of sustaining mindfulness. This morning, watching the wind through the pine trees, I feel tremendous gratitude and appreciation for the many gifts of being alive. What is present for you in this moment?

With love,

Shuba

Cultivating an attitude of Enoughness…

Posted on March 5, 2024 by Shuba

As we enter the month of March, my thoughts have turned towards gratitude. This is partly because I am in need of inspiration and gratitude never fails to inspire! What surprises me each time with this practice is how gratitude has the power to change our perspective; it’s like seeing the world with a whole new lens, one that is more forgiving, appreciative and encouraging.

Photo by Yuliia Patrikhalkina on Pexels.com

The catalyst for this practice for me was noticing a feeling of being pressed for time and being pulled in different directions – both at work and life. As I noticed an increasing anxiety and yearning for balance, this thought arose in me – what if I approached life with a sense of enough-ness? What if I have enough time, enough energy, enough resources and enough love to show up for my life? How might my perspective shift?

This inquiry has led to a relaxing in the ordinary moments and an appreciation of the simple things. When a text message comes, instead of feeling the pressure of responding, I feel grateful that someone was thinking of me. During quiet moments, instead of being in the planning mode, I am able to listen to the sound of rain and birds and appreciate the stillness underneath. Instead of chasing more – more time for yoga or meditation, I am able to rejoice in the moments when I do show up. Instead of judging my choices to watch Korean drama or indulge in a murder mystery, I am able to appreciate my own imperfections.

When I come from a place of enough-ness, I am able to receive the gifts from others in an open hearted way and better able to offer my loving presence to others. My cup feels full!

Is there a place of enough-ness that you can find for yourself as you navigate through your life? What supports you in staying present and connected to gratitude? What moments open your heart to wonder?

I leave you today with a quote that I heard through a dear friend, from Rachel Naomi Remen on On Being:

“What if we were exactly what’s needed? What then? How would I live if I was exactly what’s needed to heal the world? These are very important questions.”
Rachel Naomi Remen

Be well and take good care! And if any of these words resonate, please drop me a reply.

With love, Shuba.

Opening our hearts…

Posted on January 2, 2024 by Shuba

We spent a few days of our Christmas break at Nassau in the Bahamas, a real treat for our family. The ocean, the blue waters, the sand on my feet, and leisurely time with my family – all were healing to my nervous system. Returning from our break, and settling back into winter in New England, albeit a mild one so far, I’m so grateful we could have this time together – it feels like such a precious gift, one that is helping me center and open to this new year with fresh eyes.

My greatest dharma teacher, my daughter on the beach in Nassau, on Christmas Day.

In a tradition inspired by a fellow blogger, I have been setting an intention for each year with a word/phrase. Last year’s word was Savor; and savor I did! Savoring each moment of connection, the joys that came my way, the friendships, the adventures and travels, the learnings and growth. And it has filled my heart with so much gratitude and love! This year, my word for the year is Open: Opening to not-knowing, opening to the mystery and wonder, opening my heart to being touched and opening to the goodness.

So, today, I leave you with this offering from my heart – a poem – my New Year’s gift to you! May your new year be filled with many moments of peace, joy and awakening!

The little moments come by

and touch me like the sand particles

held in my palm – gingerly, tenderly.

Some stick while others fall away,

leaving the tiniest trace

like the footprints once washed away,

leave a well for the waters to fill in,

a tiny puddle that carries

the deep blue ocean

within.
– Subha srinivasan

With Love, S.

Attune to Emergence…

Posted on November 16, 2023 by Shuba

It has been a while since I wrote in this space. As a high school teacher, the first couple of months of the school year is a busy time for me – getting through the first quarter of school schedule. And somehow, now that November is here, I am able to breathe a bit more easily – knowing that Thanksgiving break is around the corner.

A lot has happened in these couple of months in terms of writing and teaching. Firstly, my reflections from retreat this summer was published in the Valley Insight newsletter, thanks to the support and encouragement of my teacher and friend Doreen Schweizer. And then, it was picked up by the Barre center of Buddhist Studies (BCBS) and published in their sangha newsletter with my permission. This came about because the BCBS director receives our very own Valley Insight newsletter! This was definitely a surprising event – both in how this unfolded and what a small and connected world we live in. You can find it here, reprinted exactly from ours.

Earlier this Fall, I felt some sadness – the momentum of my learning and teaching during my teacher certification program had slowed and I missed the intensity of the learning. I also welcomed this opening of flexibility in choosing what I listened to and practiced in terms of dharma and the time to delve into what interested me. It has been a lovely surprise for me to have this time open up in this new way. I have continued offering a monthly drop-in series which has been a gift for me in my own practice thanks to the generosity of yogis who have showed up for them. You can find my recordings under guided meditations tab. I have also co-taught a monthly three-part series on Insight dialogue which is my new passion!

Insight dialogue makes insight meditation inter-relational. Developed by Greg Kramer, this is a series of guidelines that combine mindfulness, concentration and insight/wisdom to bring to our lives, especially in relationships both with ourselves and others. The guidelines are Pause, Relax, Open, Attune to emergence, Listen Deeply and Speak the truth. The book by Greg Kramer is a wonderful manual to the practice – and practicing with others through the series and the summer retreat has deepened my own practice and joy. It has opened up a door to the mystery in each moment by attuning to: what is changing, how am I relating to this moment and how can I soften? It is also a practice, which when combined with contemplation of suttas (scriptures) from early buddhist texts, can lead to wonderful and insightful dialogue and great joy!

I find that each day, each week, a different guideline speaks to me. Right now, it is the mystery of not knowing, of attuning to emergence. Even when I plan what is coming, I don’t know what the moment will bring. How do I stay open to that? And this opening to surprises – and how I respond to them – is teaching me a lot about myself. I had the surprise of getting Covid recently. The surprise of receiving help and support and well wishes from others. The surprise of recovering well and feeling healthy again. The surprise of friendship – my own and that of others. The surprise of opening to not knowing!

As the world tilts on its axis in many ways that are challenging, how do we open truly to not knowing and to the possibility of freedom and love in this moment, no matter what? Perhaps, the answer can be found in one such contemplation Bhadra (Lucky):

Lucky to be walking a Path
that finds peace
in the arising
and passing
away
of
each
present
moment.

Regardless
of how things
work out
or don’t.
From “The First Free Women: Poems of the Early Buddhist Nuns”
Translated by Matty Weingast
Shambhala, 2020

So, as we head into Thanksgiving, may there be many gifts in your life of opening to wonder and joy!

With gratefulness, S.

Letting in and Letting go…

Posted on September 24, 2023 by Shuba

This morning, I was greeted by an unexpected sight – my 13 year old daughter making crepes for us for breakfast. Using a recipe from her French class, she made the batter, cooked the crepes, put in toppings and set up the table for us. It was a delightful sight and so were the crepes – truly yum! Another sign that my daughter is growing up.

In her gaining a couple of inches over me in what feels like overnight, I’m noticing that some things are easier. Her cheek is right next to mine when we stand – easier to give her a kiss. Easier to put my arms around her shoulders when we walk. More grown-up conversations. The love that fills my heart for her reminds me how attached I am to her. As a Buddhist I used to think in my beginning days that this practice was about being detached. And slowly, over many years of this practice, I’ve come to realize that the opposite is true. Be interested, enter the moment fully, feel the care, the incredible love. And hold it lightly.

I have been thinking a lot of T.S.Eliot’s words: to care and not to care. As parents, caring is our job. We care so much! And we learn to let go. To know that the outcome is beyond our control. We show up and we let go. Over and over. And we do this because time passes us by so quickly. Before we know it, the people in our lives grow and change. And this brings urgency into our lives – we show up now for the crepes, for the hugs, the laughter, the stories, the drama, the mundane and the sublime. And we fill our hearts with it. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

With love, Shuba

Opening to what is…

Posted on July 24, 2023 by Shuba

I’m writing on my last day here in India, where I have been for the past three weeks or so – in Chennai, Mumbai, Ooty and back to Chennai. Returning to my home town after six years, it has been quite the trip.

Among the many experiences, what stands out for me is the kindness, the friendliness and care that has come through these past weeks. In meeting old and dear friends after many years, I have been touched by love and gratitude for having some incredibly awesome people in my life. In meeting relatives with whom I haven’t done a great job of staying in touch with, I have been touched by warmth, openness and generosity. And the kindness of everyday folks – the maids, the cook, the watchman, the ironing guy, the cab guy, the hotel staff, the temple folks, the shop keepers – it sure cracks the heart wide open like a coconut!

Sometimes, the stress of simply going from one place to another feels frustrating and at other times, the equanimity of those who do this everyday and manage to keep their cool is inspiring. Cows that wait patiently at the coffee house next to humans, monkeys that climb on tall trees waiting to sneak out your food, dogs on streets lazing in the heat and people who go about their way without complaints. How can I hold the contradictions in life with equanimity? That seemed to be the theme everyday here in India.

Among the sensory overload that is India, especially after a long time away, what I am most grateful for are three things. The first one is time with my family. I am grateful this was possible and that we could spend some quality time together, both at home and through travel and sightseeing. Eating my moms home cooked food was awesome and so special. I also enjoyed some amazing North Indian food at my in-laws and the celebratory South Indian meals at the functions I could attend during my time here.

The second thing I am grateful for is my meditation cushion. Seriously! It’s the first time I have traveled with my cushion and I almost removed it from the suitcase in lieu of carrying other things when my husband reminded me that I should stick to my plan. Having my cushion with me reminded me to sit everyday. To make time for my mind to settle, and to remember what was nourishing for my spirit. It was also deeply grounding amidst all the travel and it allowed me to stay connected to presence and remember to relax when possible.

The last thing I am grateful for is traveling with my daughter Anjali. A beam of light in my life and also light hearted, Anji rode the waves of change easily – whether it was new food or new place or new people. It was so fun to show her the hangouts that I went to as a child, to introduce her to new people including those who have known me since I was her age or younger, and to sleep with her in the same room that I slept with my grandma so many years ago…she is a continuum of the life that has flowed down through generations. And Anji moved between worlds with such ease and grace, it inspired me to hold my experience with lightness and let go of any expectations.

My daughter examining tea leaves in the Nilgiris hills.

So here I am – on my final day, my heart full of a mixture of emotions. Peace, thankfulness, joy and anticipation of returning home, sadness that I won’t see my parents and friends here for some time. It will perhaps be a year or two – and more things would have changed. But not everything. Not the care, the love and the deep friendships that are part and parcel of this place I grew up in.

With gratitude, S.

Ten thousand flowers in Spring…

Posted on May 16, 2023 by Shuba

It is May – and Spring has announced its arrival here in the upper valley where I live. The trees are bursting with blossoms and yesterday evening, my daughter and I walked in the neighborhood with the special purpose of smelling the lilacs. Growing up in India, I read about lilacs in novels, but I could not have imagined the incredible scent they carry – rivaling the heavenly scent of the jasmine flowers I grew up with in South India.

When I think of jasmine, the images of freshly picked fragrant buds hand tied into little strings sold in the market comes to my mind. Adorning the braided hair of Indian women, it reminds me of weddings and special occasions and temples. Lilacs on the other hand bring to mind long leisurely walks in New England with my daughter, taking in the heavy clusters of little buds that so freely give their fragrance. Between the two, a whole world lies – ties to the old and opening to the new. Isn’t that what life is all about? This balance between the old and the new, and the potential in this moment for transformation, curiosity, openness and mystery.

I have been thinking recently of change. Listening to Joseph Goldstein’s recent talk on 10 percent happier on the last three steps of the eight-fold path brought this into the center of my attention. Of course, the season of Spring as well as having a growing child both make it impossible for change to leave my attention fully! Anjali, my 12 year old, is growing like a tall tree – shooting straight up. She takes after her Dad and the women in his family – this morning waking her up, I noticed that she might outgrow her bed at some point! Each day feels precious, each moment when I’m truly present, a moment of awe. How does one hold all of this in one’s heart?

Even as I wonder, I know the answer. One moment at a time, one breath at a time. In this way, we steady our attention and then our attention can attune deeply to change itself as it is unfolding…And as we cultivate the steadiness of mind and heart that can attune to change itself, we uncover the wisdom that comes from a direct experience of this change in our own experience.

We often have a like-dislike-relationship with change, depending on what has changed. Change itself however is impersonal and the very nature of life. Indeed as the quote goes, the only constant in life is change. And the Buddha taught us this radical practice through mindfulness, of turning towards change instead of resisting it. And even when we notice resistance, there is a learning – a direct experience of dukkha, of the suffering that comes from resistance. And this too is important – in recognizing and getting to know dukkha in this intimate way, we cultivate wisdom.

The funny part in all of this dharma (or truth) is that to truly open to wisdom, we have to let go of our agenda and timelines! All we can do is have the intention and let it guide us…As Joseph Goldstein encourages us, our intention sets the direction for our journey, and through the journey of mindfulness and wisdom, we learn to trust that our path will lead to wisdom and freedom. And we appreciate the many moments of beauty along this path.

Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn,

a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter

If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things,

this is the best season of your life
Wu Men

May this Spring bring you many moments of ease and beauty!

With love, S.

ps: There is still space in my Intro to Mindfulness course for BIPOC, check it out under my course offerings!

The in-between spaces…

Posted on April 16, 2023 by Shuba

I have just finished teaching my five-week course on the mindfulness trainings. Showing up for the sangha, the community of kindred spirits who were taking my class, as they showed up for me, was deeply rooting and grounding. Especially because it carried me through the month of March which always feels like a difficult (and long!) month for me. I felt nourished and grateful! I love teaching mindfulness – it helps me stay committed to my practice in an intentional way.

It has also been lovely this month of April to have a pause from teaching, to allow my practice to unfold more organically and take in the wisdom coming from many directions. Spending a few days in Washington, DC for spring break with my family was a welcome change. And as I return home, getting ready to go back to teaching next week (I am high school teacher), I feel energized and uplifted. And a sense of joy!

The joy is coming through from the constant stream of bird visitors we have had to our home – bright yellow goldfinches, pinkish red house finches, gray-black juncos, bright red cardinal, downy woodpecker, blue-gray nuthatch (I had to look this one up!) – it has been constant – and is bringing us much delight! I have been going out late evenings to hear the frogs and toads in the nearby swamp (thanks to a beaver family that transformed that eco-system!) and there has been such a raucous! One late afternoon last week, on my usual walk in the neighborhood, I caught sight of a beautifully gorgeous turkey vulture about 30 feet from me, taking flight and landing on a nearby tree. I saw the same (or different?) vulture at the exact same spot the next day while walking with my daughter – and we decided to name this special bird Majesty. Seeing Majesty made me literally stop in my tracks and stand in awe. That’s what nature does to us – opens us up to wonder and mystery.

I am fortunate to live in a beautiful landscape and the coming of spring, much anticipated by us, seems to be here. And while holding the realities of climate change and the terrible tragedies around the world that are coming from our ignoring the signs – the certainty that something is wrong if we go from winter to summer in a week – I am also holding this. This deep joy and gratitude for the life that surrounds me, right now. This moment. The daffodils starting to bloom and the day-lilies pushing themselves out of the ground. And I am remembering Mary Oliver’s words from Straight talk by Fox.

I see you in all your seasons

making love, arguing, talking about God

as if he were an idea instead of the grass,

instead of the stars, the rabbit caught

in one good teeth-whacking hit and brought

home to the den. What I am, and I know it, is

responsible, joyful, thankful. I would not

give my life for a thousand of yours.
Mary oliver

Please do check back for my next offering, which will be an intro to mindfulness course for the BIPOC community here in the Upper Valley and elsewhere in the world – the nice part of offering it online is that the world is suddenly a smaller place! And BIPOC or not, you are welcome to listen to the recordings of my guided meditations from my recent course, posted under the Guided Meditations tab.

Be well, take care and may spring be in your every step!

Namaste,

Shuba

Sunrise Ruby

Posted on February 5, 2023 by Shuba

As a busy week winds down, it is time to turn inwards towards stillness. This cold weekend extends a perfect invitation to do just that! Even as mercury retrograde is over (astrologically, Mercury retrograde is a period to turn inwards) and mercury is leaving its retrograde shadow, we reflect on where we are and move towards embodying our deepest self. We move towards what is skillful, what nourishes us and restores us into presence. This movement requires a courage and willingness to look towards the places in ourselves and in our relationships where we still operate from fear and reactivity, and to bring gentle kindness, love and understanding. The intimacy with these dark places allows us to bring light in, and shine that light outwards into the world. And what a gift that is to the world!

I’m always surprised when I turn towards my own fear and reactivity. I notice the resistance towards this process of making this U-turn (as Tara Brach calls it) until I become conscious of the fact that the charge in my inner heart and the obsessive thinking in my mind is painful. And when I turn towards my pain, it inevitably brings me face to face with enormous love, care and great gentleness. The courage is simply making the choice to turn towards dukkha, the rest usually unfolds naturally. And this process of transformation from within brings such joy!

I have been thinking of Christina Feldman’s words on tranquility, whose course on Essential Mindfulness I have been grateful to take this January. She talks about tranquility as a calming of the agitation of the mind. This calming, this tranquility, this willingness to be with our own discomfort and the joy that arises naturally as a result, is the process of uncovering our own inner wisdom, goodness, our sweetness. I love the word sweetness – it reminds me of the sanskrit word rasa – meaning flavor. This sweet flavor, this nectar is both the result of our practice and the path itself. The more we take this in, the more we abide naturally here. And we become like the sunrise ruby Rumi talks about:

“There is nothing left of me.
I’m like a ruby held up to the sunrise.
Is it still a stone, or a world
made of redness? It has no resistance
to sunlight.”
Rumi (translated by coleman barks)

May your path towards uncovering your own sweet rasa unfold with grace!

With Love, S.

The Middle Way…

Posted on January 29, 2023 by Shuba

One of the stories of the Buddha that I love is how he came to teach the middle way. He had left his life of pleasures as prince Siddharta, and he had tried many ascetic practices in seeking enlightenment – only to find his body weak and starved of nourishment. He had come to recognize that neither of them worked. And one key moment in this story is when a kind woman Sujatha passing by saw him in his weak state and offered him kheer: rice pudding. This spontaneous gesture of kindness led the way to the Buddha feeling nourished and sitting under the Bodhi tree vowing not to get up until he was enlightened. And enlightened, he did become – and taught for forty some years of this middle path to freedom and peace.

The middle way of tending to our bodies and our minds and turning to our inner wisdom, discernment and compassion to lead the way forward is something that has always inspired me. Balance is the word that comes to my mind. Finding balance requires attention. It requires mindfulness to know when I am leaning too much this way or that. To know when I am stagnating or rushing ahead. This quest for balance has influenced many of my life decisions, and continually informs what I say Yes to, and what I say No to. Living a life that has balance requires intention and time to slow down. It requires turning to the stillness to guide me and it asks for a commitment to live in harmony with this world.

Peace in the world starts with peace in oneself. If everyone lives mindfully, everyone will be more healthy, feel more fulfilled in their daily lives and there will be more peace…
Thich Nhat Hanh

Too often, I am distracted, reactive and judging. And when I notice this, I can pause and remember. In Buddhism, the word mindfulness is a loose translation for the pali word sati and many dharma teachers point towards the word remember as a better translation for sati. So the practice is to pause and remember my deepest aspiration. And of course when we notice and get familiar with what out of balance feels like, it becomes easier to recognize the sensations and feelings associated with it, and easier to return to sati more easily! And the most wonderful part of this is our neuroplasticity – it becomes that much easier to return again!

I leave you today with a practice and a course offering. This practice I learned recently from Yoga with Adrienne – my favorite yoga teacher! Her new series Center is amazing, and is helping me be diligent with my practice in this new year. In the episode day 19 (Play), Adrienne demonstrates this short exercise of walking led by your center. It felt pretty amazing and somehow the next day, walking up the stairs to my classroom, I remembered her instruction and practiced walking led by my center. It felt incredible – grounding and centering!

And I want to leave you also with the announcement of my next offering – in the theme of continuing to walk the middle way – of Life as practice series. You can find it in my course offerings page. Be well, take care, and may your life unfold in many beautiful ways!

With gratitude,

Shuba