Category Archives: impermanence

An equanimous mind is a spacious mind…

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Equanimity was the last session in the four week series on the brahmaviharas I led recently. All week, I held equanimity in the back of my mind, trying to settle into the flavor and balance of equanimity. Sometimes, equanimity appeared to have a calm abiding quality to it – like the peacefulness of going with the flow, knowing you are safe and going to be OK. One of the days of the week, the roof of our classroom started to leak. The students took it in their stride. The custodians appeared in minutes to fix the leak at least temporarily. I was struck by the presence of equanimity. Roof, Leak, No Problem! My students seemed so positive, it felt like they knew that we would get through it together.

At other times, equanimity seemed to have a grounded quality – still like the mountains and able to move easily like the branches of the trees in the wind, even as they wore their changing colors that would soon fade. We went on a hike that weekend and I remembered Joseph Goldstein’s words in a recent talk: “Whatever has the nature to arise will also pass away…”. On that late afternoon, it was so clear that the leaves were falling. The current in the stream was moving. So were the clouds and for a moment, it appeared that the entire mountain was shimmering.

I was touched by the beauty of impermanence and the ability of awareness to hold it without turning away. My daughter was with me and I was struck too by the fact that she too was born and therefore of the nature to change, transform and eventually move away. It made this moment that much more poignant and precious!

At other moments, equanimity appeared empty – arising when the conditions were right. Not mine, not something I could force, but more of an invitation to drop into, that was becoming more available, as I was becoming more available to equanimity. This too felt right – equanimity was of the nature to arise and there pass away. It made non-clinging more possible in the present moment. How can we hold on to something that is empty of inherent existence?

And then the times when equanimity seemed so full of kindness; a caring that was steady and could open without turning away or shutting down. Other times, equanimity was simply a space empty of any greed, hatred or ill-will. A deep settling into a place of non-contention that we call peace.

Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. And between the two, my life flows…

-Nisargadatta Maharaj

We can appreciate this equanimous mind when it is present and that in itself conditions future such moments of equanimity to arise. In this way, we are sowing the seeds of mindfulness and kindness and when the conditions are right, these can bloom into the beautiful flowers of compassion, wisdom and equanimity.

So many flavors of equanimity…As you pause and reflect on your own experience with equanimity, what comes up for you? I would love to hear from you.

May your mindfulness continue to grow and may you experience many moments of equanimity and joy!

With care, Shuba

The beauty, ordinariness and extraordinariness of not knowing…

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Photo by Autumn Mott Rodeheaver on Unsplash

The more I practice mindfulness in my daily life, the more I’m struck by the ordinariness and extraordinariness of each moment. It’s like this rewiring that is happening so slowly that I can’t see the mechanics of it but I can feel that something is changing, slowly, gradually and over time. Like the turning of grapes into wine – a metaphor so often used by Rumi.

When grapes turn
to wine, they long for our ability to change.

When stars wheel
around the North Pole,
they are longing for our growing consciousness.

– Rumi

With mindfulness, we start to loosen our habitual ways of categorizing our experience as like or dislike as we often have a tendency to do. And we are somehow left with more openness, more space and more choice in responding. The definition of relationships and the expectations of ourselves and others start to fall away and we start to see clearly. Like removing a pair of glasses that were foggy and we didn’t know we had them on!

When we experience each moment directly in this embodied way, there seems to be this incredible newness – a sort of not knowing that seems to flavor our experience. Suddenly each moment feels so much richer – without needing words to describe it or label it. Simple acts like cooking, taking a walk, talking to a partner, working on an interesting problem or meeting with a friend take on a new hue.

We also start to become aware of this incredible vulnerability that underlies all of our lives – we don’t know what could happen tomorrow, or in an hour from now, or even next moment. We might think we do, but actually we don’t. Not really. This not knowing, when seen through the lens of kindness and empty of the ideas of me and mine, suddenly feels so liberating and tender. When we truly experience the truth of this vulnerability, how can we not reach out and help each other? How can we not take care of this body, our body, that feels so fragile at times? How can we not appreciate the blessings in our lives, the people who show up for us and the sheer abundance that Earth provides us with, no questions asked? Mary Oliver aptly says:

Pay attention.

Be astonished.

Tell about it.

– Mary Oliver

So this is my invitation: can you simply pause in this moment, breathe and notice what is happening? Can you take in the sheer miracle of staying alive? Each leaf that is falling to the ground is imploring and reminding you of the truth of letting go. Can you let go, truly let go and surrender to this moment? It is a huge task. And yet it is ours, and not by the century or the year, but by the hours (Mary Oliver).

With love, Shuba

Awakening Beauty, Peace, and Freedom in Ordinary Moments | Mindfulness Practice

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Photo by Fabien Burgue on Pexels.com

So much of our life is filled with ordinary moments. Like waking up. Brushing our teeth. Having breakfast. Going for work. Grocery shopping. Walking in the neighborhood. Talking to friends. Reading a book. Do these ordinary moments have the potential to wake us up to beauty, peace and freedom? This inquiry has guided most of my life and practice these past few years.

In my experience, mindfulness is very much flavored by kindness and caring. We pay attention because we care and vice versa. The Buddha talks about metta (loosely translated as friendliness or kindness) as an abiding/quality/recollection that:

“Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding”.

-Buddha (in Karaniya Metta Sutta)

So this practice of mindfulness/insight meditation/clear seeing is very much about being present and wakeful in every part of our day. And especially in noticing the every day moments of ease, joy and wonder and turning towards what is wholesome.

In Buddhism, it’s considered appropriate and helpful to cultivate and enhance our well-being. It is all too easy to overlook the well-being that is easily available in daily life. Even taking time to enjoy one’s tea or the sunset can be a training in letting in well-being.

-Gil Fronsdal, Tricycle, 2022

The urgency in my own practice has arisen from wanting to be present for as much as possible of my daughter’s childhood. First when she was an infant, then a toddler, a preschooler, and now – a teen. She inspires me to practice every day. Talking about mindfulness isn’t the same as practice! It becomes very clear when I am with her. Am I walking the walk? Am I present when she shares her worries and fears? When she shares her joys and excitement? What is the quality of attention? Is there kindness? And am I present for the ordinary moments – of walking alongside her and getting a glimpse of the world through her eyes.

It turns out it doesn’t matter why we practice – because slowly our brains start to rewire. The urgency I felt to be awake in her presence spread to others. My time with my beloved too was precious. So was my time with my students, with my parents, my friends, my colleagues and those around me. How I showed up for others mattered. How I showed up for myself mattered.

And that is the magic of mindfulness – these new neuronal pathways that are created simply by paying attention – they make it possible for us to wake up and see clearly the truth of the way things are. Life is impermanent. There is joy. Peace is possible. On this day, in this moment, right here, right now. We just need to show up for it!

With love, S.

Pause and Relax…

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This morning I have a chance to do just that – Pause and Relax! It is a snow day and I’m home because school was cancelled. So, I could wake up later than usual and luxuriate in what might be the last snow of the season. The bird activity outside our window is at a high point and I feel the distinct absence of urgency – nothing else feels as pressing as simply being here, watching the birds with my morning chai and banana muffin.

Photo by Anji Sharma

Sometimes this pause comes our way due to circumstances (like this snow!) and at other times, it is a choice we make – to pause and slow down the activity. We do this as an act of care towards ourselves and others – to allow the reactivity to calm down, to notice the momentum that we are almost always caught in. We then have the space to allow the wisdom of our body and heart-mind to inform our next moment.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Viktor E. frankl

Sometimes, we are able to notice the impact of this pause, the freedom, in a big way: maybe we stop ourselves from saying something unkind or we restrain ourselves from hasty action. Other times, the impact of these pauses are imperceptible – a slight shifting in the tide – listening instead of speaking, settling instead of urging, tasting instead of swallowing, seeing instead of scanning past. And somehow, like the ripples in a pond created by a small pebble, the peace that is possible as a result of these tiny pauses ripple out into our worlds – we can show up with greater calmness, compassion and wisdom.

Does this feel true to you in your practice? Does pausing and relaxing/settling into the moment bring greater peace? I invite you to reflect on this inquiry, as a way of sustaining mindfulness. This morning, watching the wind through the pine trees, I feel tremendous gratitude and appreciation for the many gifts of being alive. What is present for you in this moment?

With love,

Shuba

Opening our hearts…

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We spent a few days of our Christmas break at Nassau in the Bahamas, a real treat for our family. The ocean, the blue waters, the sand on my feet, and leisurely time with my family – all were healing to my nervous system. Returning from our break, and settling back into winter in New England, albeit a mild one so far, I’m so grateful we could have this time together – it feels like such a precious gift, one that is helping me center and open to this new year with fresh eyes.

My greatest dharma teacher, my daughter on the beach in Nassau, on Christmas Day.

In a tradition inspired by a fellow blogger, I have been setting an intention for each year with a word/phrase. Last year’s word was Savor; and savor I did! Savoring each moment of connection, the joys that came my way, the friendships, the adventures and travels, the learnings and growth. And it has filled my heart with so much gratitude and love! This year, my word for the year is Open: Opening to not-knowing, opening to the mystery and wonder, opening my heart to being touched and opening to the goodness.

So, today, I leave you with this offering from my heart – a poem – my New Year’s gift to you! May your new year be filled with many moments of peace, joy and awakening!

The little moments come by

and touch me like the sand particles

held in my palm – gingerly, tenderly.

Some stick while others fall away,

leaving the tiniest trace

like the footprints once washed away,

leave a well for the waters to fill in,

a tiny puddle that carries

the deep blue ocean

within.

– Subha srinivasan

With Love, S.

Letting in and Letting go…

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This morning, I was greeted by an unexpected sight – my 13 year old daughter making crepes for us for breakfast. Using a recipe from her French class, she made the batter, cooked the crepes, put in toppings and set up the table for us. It was a delightful sight and so were the crepes – truly yum! Another sign that my daughter is growing up.

In her gaining a couple of inches over me in what feels like overnight, I’m noticing that some things are easier. Her cheek is right next to mine when we stand – easier to give her a kiss. Easier to put my arms around her shoulders when we walk. More grown-up conversations. The love that fills my heart for her reminds me how attached I am to her. As a Buddhist I used to think in my beginning days that this practice was about being detached. And slowly, over many years of this practice, I’ve come to realize that the opposite is true. Be interested, enter the moment fully, feel the care, the incredible love. And hold it lightly.

I have been thinking a lot of T.S.Eliot’s words: to care and not to care. As parents, caring is our job. We care so much! And we learn to let go. To know that the outcome is beyond our control. We show up and we let go. Over and over. And we do this because time passes us by so quickly. Before we know it, the people in our lives grow and change. And this brings urgency into our lives – we show up now for the crepes, for the hugs, the laughter, the stories, the drama, the mundane and the sublime. And we fill our hearts with it. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

With love, Shuba

Ten thousand flowers in Spring…

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It is May – and Spring has announced its arrival here in the upper valley where I live. The trees are bursting with blossoms and yesterday evening, my daughter and I walked in the neighborhood with the special purpose of smelling the lilacs. Growing up in India, I read about lilacs in novels, but I could not have imagined the incredible scent they carry – rivaling the heavenly scent of the jasmine flowers I grew up with in South India.

When I think of jasmine, the images of freshly picked fragrant buds hand tied into little strings sold in the market comes to my mind. Adorning the braided hair of Indian women, it reminds me of weddings and special occasions and temples. Lilacs on the other hand bring to mind long leisurely walks in New England with my daughter, taking in the heavy clusters of little buds that so freely give their fragrance. Between the two, a whole world lies – ties to the old and opening to the new. Isn’t that what life is all about? This balance between the old and the new, and the potential in this moment for transformation, curiosity, openness and mystery.

Photo by Valeria Boltneva on Pexels.com

I have been thinking recently of change. Listening to Joseph Goldstein’s recent talk on 10 percent happier on the last three steps of the eight-fold path brought this into the center of my attention. Of course, the season of Spring as well as having a growing child both make it impossible for change to leave my attention fully! Anjali, my 12 year old, is growing like a tall tree – shooting straight up. She takes after her Dad and the women in his family – this morning waking her up, I noticed that she might outgrow her bed at some point! Each day feels precious, each moment when I’m truly present, a moment of awe. How does one hold all of this in one’s heart?

Even as I wonder, I know the answer. One moment at a time, one breath at a time. In this way, we steady our attention and then our attention can attune deeply to change itself as it is unfolding…And as we cultivate the steadiness of mind and heart that can attune to change itself, we uncover the wisdom that comes from a direct experience of this change in our own experience.

We often have a like-dislike-relationship with change, depending on what has changed. Change itself however is impersonal and the very nature of life. Indeed as the quote goes, the only constant in life is change. And the Buddha taught us this radical practice through mindfulness, of turning towards change instead of resisting it. And even when we notice resistance, there is a learning – a direct experience of dukkha, of the suffering that comes from resistance. And this too is important – in recognizing and getting to know dukkha in this intimate way, we cultivate wisdom.

The funny part in all of this dharma (or truth) is that to truly open to wisdom, we have to let go of our agenda and timelines! All we can do is have the intention and let it guide us…As Joseph Goldstein encourages us, our intention sets the direction for our journey, and through the journey of mindfulness and wisdom, we learn to trust that our path will lead to wisdom and freedom. And we appreciate the many moments of beauty along this path.

Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn,

a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter

If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things,

this is the best season of your life

Wu Men

May this Spring bring you many moments of ease and beauty!

With love, S.

ps: There is still space in my Intro to Mindfulness course for BIPOC, check it out under my course offerings!

Buoyancy…

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Life is full of surprises. Two days after we returned from Cancun, I tested positive for Covid. My symptoms have been more akin to a mild cold, and of course when you have a cold, you feel crummy, you try to take it easy and you drink lots of hot tea… It does mean that I have not stepped outside my home in about 6 days. My family has been so wonderful – while I isolate the best I can. Anji especially, who worried so much about Covid wearing her mask the entire time until recently, has been so caring and relaxed. We are all getting through it together. One day at a time.

I have been thinking of the word Buoyancy this week. Strange, isn’t it, to be thinking of this particular word at this particular time? Well, one reason I have been thinking of this word is that one of the particularly strong memories from my trip to Cancun was watching pelicans on the beach. Pelicans would soar, glide, ride the wind and then plummet into the water, landing gracefully into a swim. I watched many of these beautiful birds, took many photos and videos though they don’t do much justice to the beauty of the moments.

One of the words Pelicans stand for is buoyancy (and also cooperation) as per Ted Andrews, whose book Animal Speak is usually by my bedside! Which is really not a surprise when you watch these beings. Especially during the last couple of days before we left when there were heavy winds on the beach, you could really see how the pelicans glided on them, buoyantly, gracefully, effortlessly. They remind me that it is possible to ride the changes in our lives with buoyancy. It is possible to show up to this moment with an open heart and accept whatever comes along. It doesn’t mean that I have not had moments of stress or anxiety. Of course I have. It has been possible to meet them – the fear, the uncertainty, the worry with equanimity and compassion. This too belongs. Even in the midst of challenges, awe and beauty is present. And tenderness. For me tenderness is intimately connected to buoyancy, thanks to Rumi:

Feel the motions of tenderness around you. the buoyancy.

-Rumi

Peace is possible. So this new year, I wish you all a happy, healthy, easeful year with freedom and peace! To feel the motions of tenderness around you. Please accept this guided meditation from me as a gift, on setting intentions for this year, recorded on New Year’s day when a small group of us gathered to meditate together. Take care and be well!

With love,

S.

Welcome everything, push away nothing…

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Daughter Anji on the beach in Cancun, 2018

After listening recently to a talk given by Frank Ostaseski, co-founder of the zen hospice project, I was inspired to read Frank’s book, ‘The five invitations‘. The second invitation in this book is to ‘welcome everything and push away nothing’, and it has been the theme of practice for me this past week.

School began this week in full swing and I held this intention on the opening day, to welcome everything, all my students and all the experiences. I found that it is easy to welcome everything when things are good! The first day was magical. The excitement, the hope, the possibilities.

With school beginning, there also came the familiar worry and anxiety of the virus, especially for my daughter Anji. The choice of masking and the dependence of her well-being on conditions outside her control. I was listening to her while washing dishes, feeling my own impatience as I was listening – when the invitation cut through. Welcome everything, push away nothing. This too was okay. I could welcome this and make space for it. I loved her and that also meant welcoming her tendency to worry.

With first full week of school, inevitably there was tiredness and feeling exhausted. And for me, with tired often comes judgment. I noticed how quick I was at self-judgment! Welcome everything, push away nothing meant that judgment too was okay. I could notice and listen to my thoughts with kindness and patience – like listening to a child who is hurt and wants attention. I was lying in bed early in the morning, wishing for more sleep, noticing the thoughts of ‘if only…’. And remembering the instruction, I could soften with tenderness and welcome the experience. And just like the child calms down when listened to, the kind attention was enough for the judgments and thoughts to release.

So welcome everything, push away nothing is really an instruction to accept things just as they are, not wishing them to be otherwise. Even when we wish them otherwise, there can still be kindness, instead of aversion. Gil Fronsdal talks about this in the third awakening factor of mindfulness, effort. Wise or skillful effort is in paying attention – not just what we pay attention to, but how we pay attention.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Rumi

Choosing a welcoming, grateful and kind attitude strengthens this response so it becomes increasingly available in the future. And then we start to notice the exquisite joy, the beauty, the love, the abundance that comes our way when we welcome everything. It opens our hearts.

With kindness, S.

peace in the moment…

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Photo by Matteo Basile on Pexels.com

I was lying down on a yoga mat on Sunapee beach – it was our last beach visit of this summer. My eyes closed, my body sinking into the floor of the mat. I could hear the voices of my daughter and husband in the background, chatting away. I could feel the movement of my breath and the warmth of the sun and the air touching my body – and my body molding into the shape that received this air, and the surface beneath me. I could feel the tension in my neck and right shoulder – and I felt no inclination to fix it. Just a subtle softening into the tension, a gentle acceptance.

I felt a deep peace. And also awe. This moment was perfect just as it was.

I was happy enough to stay still

inside the pearl inside the shell,

but the hurricane of experience

lashed me out of hiding

and made me a wave moving into shore,

saying loudly the ocean’s secret

as I went, and then, spent there,

I slept like fog against the cliff,

another stillness.

Rumi (translated by Coleman Barks)

I would soon feel the urge to move, to join the others. But not yet…This was the time to linger in this peace, to soak it in, to let it permeate deep into the cells of my body…

with gratitude, S.