I read this quote recently from Gabor Mate:
“Safety is not the absence of threat but the presence of connection.”
-Gabor Mate
I was spending a week at Exeter, NH at a math camp for educators, and it was a week of immersion – in fun math problems, collaboration, connection and learning. And as I was navigating this week, my practice was becoming aware of the absence of ill-will, unease, discomfort and stress. One of the reasons for attuning to this was that sleep had been strangely elusive in the dorm rooms and after a couple of days of this, I was starting to feel very tired. Noticing the absence of stress and tension was a way of staying present and realizing that even if I was tired, there need not be judgment or tightness around it.
Sometimes at these events, the tiredness and social interactions can manifest in me as reactivity towards personalities or ideas. Somehow this week however, there was complete absence of this reactivity perhaps due to conditions both internal and external. Externally, I was in classes with some exceptionally kind educators – thoughtful and generous. Internally, I was able to bring a steadiness and care towards my work. And solving problems and learning with others were both feeling so good for my brain that it didn’t seem to matter that I was tired!
So mid-week, when I read this quote from Gabor Mate, I realized (for the nth time!) that awareness of the absence of dis-ease is the space that opens to the presence of ease. The absence of ill-will lends itself to the unfolding of good-will or metta (loving-kindness). The absence of stress and disconnection allows for the presence of connection. And friendship flowers in the presence of connection.
Earlier this year, I had made a small laminated card of the seven awakening factors for my mindfulness sangha, with the key words offered by buddhist teacher Gil Fronsdal. So, as I sat each morning, I practiced with the seven awakening factors on my card- noticing what was present and what was absent – with curiosity and care – rather than one more thing to beat myself about. I noticed that even when energy was absent, there was kindness. And at times, curiosity was present even if tranquility was not. And one afternoon, walking across the green to one of the sessions, I realized that equanimity was mostly always present! I was able to connect with others easily, let go of any judging and comparing that arose, and I was able to forgive myself and move away from the self-judgment that sometimes seems so ready at hand when tired. And the practice of listening deeply with an open mind and heart was helping me lean into the gift of connection.
So….I am now back at home and enjoyed a good night’s sleep – the first one since Sunday! And I leave you today with this poem I found taped in one of the bathrooms at Phillips Exeter – it inspired me and I hope you find it helpful as well!
With love, Shuba
A Space infused with loving-kindness... 