Journeys and memories…

Whew! We finally made it to the movie. Babysitter has settled in with Anji who happily said goodbye. Coming after a difficult lunchtime where my nearly 4-year old daughter Anjali (whom we fondly call Anji or gudiya) wouldn’t touch her pasta, a nice goodbye was a ‘thank God no tears!’ feeling. Driving as fast as Abhi possibly could, we reached the theater in just over 10 minutes from Lebanon to Hanover. We only missed the first preview of a movie with something ‘moonlight’ in the title and with Colin Firth in it. (I would like to see that one – even if I missed the preview!). I breathed a sigh – a deep sigh of relief – letting all the tension of the day melt away as I settled into my seat with Abhi next to me.

Movies usually begin with the name of studios involved, and this movie began with ‘Reliance’ on the screen. A deep sense of reminiscence came in. Just a few weeks ago, Abhi and I were sitting in the Red lounge in the cinemas in Mumbai reclining our comfy seats with samosas on the side, watching ‘Reliance’ on the screen. Hmmm…. Maybe this will be nice. I thought to myself, preparing for ‘the 100 foot journey’.

As you would have guessed, we ourselves are just over a week, back from ‘an 8000-mile journey’ – our travel to India for a month. Not on foot or motorbike or anything glamorous like that, but in style on Virgin Atlantic. With a lovely 3-day stopover at London to break the journey and one of the most memorable trips of my life to India, this vacation was special.

Anjali, our daughter, is nearly 4 and our journey was fantastic. This time was so much more enjoyable than when I think back to her being 9 months and nearly 2 (the most nightmarish age for travel!) on previous trips. Right now her age makes her a fun traveler. She was excited and curious about everything. She wore her own seatbelt and used the bathrooms before takeoffs and landings when explained as to why. She asked the flight crew herself that she would like apple juice with no ice. She saw Frozen about 10 times through all the plane rides, and she took out her little guys and played imaginary games with them in between. As long as I didn’t make any demands on her eating or sleeping, we were on a roll.

As for our time in India – there are no words. Maybe I can best explain it by coming back to the ‘100 foot journey’. In the last scene, decked in colorful clothes, the cast brought feasts of Indian food to sit together with friends and family. And then credits started rolling in – and with it, so did my tears. Maybe it was the memory of the taste of the warm parathas made by Lataji, or the grilled mint chutney sandwiches for afternoon snack or the delicious omelette cooked with cilantro leaves and onions diced into tiny pieces made by Priyankaji. Maybe the white of the large paneer pieces against the green of spinach in palak paneer or the black creaminess of dal makhani or the crunchy samosas with yummy filling. Feast – I certainly knew what that was. And with family and friends – maybe that’s why the food tasted so good. The warm embraces of unconditional acceptance and the sense of endless time. Like exactly the right amount of tea leaves, ginger and cardamom into making the perfect cuppa. In that instant time stopped. Maybe this is why vacations are special. And maybe this is what makes our hearts tender with the sweetness of the memories. And makes it hard to let go.

Anjali has already let go. She is totally present in the now – excited about art camp this morning and popcorn and lemonade and the bridge to white river junction. Maybe I will get there sometime soon…

May there be many such vacations – and may you have (had) exactly the vacation you need this summer.

With peace and gratitude, S.

The goldfinches…

Greetings on a rainy spring day from New England. As I type this blog, two goldfinches are right outside our window at the bird feeder, patiently having their meal/snack. They are not multi-tasking, they are not talking, they are in the moment, eating. Nothing else. Isn’t that cool!? That feels like a luxury these days. How any days have you been completely mindful of what you are eating in the moment, and not multi-tasking (or thinking other thoughts/planning? ). For me, it is very few. Mostly by the time I remember, I am at the last few bites, which I try at least to remember to eat mindfully.

While there is so much I want to write about: about why it has been so long since I wrote in this space and what is happening in my world and about the realizations and insights and circumstances of my life, what I find myself writing about, are these gold finches.

Right now, one waits patiently in the branch while the others complete their feed. They don’t fight, there seems no animosity or sense of ‘lack’. The bird on the branch seems as content waiting as the bird on the feeder. When I saw this the first time, I thought it was pretty cool, especially since this bird feeder is only about a month old. After the long winter, surely there must be a dearth of food. I would have thought they would be fighting. Atleast if they were human beings, they probably would. They never seem to. And again, they seem to bring this complete presence to the moment, a simplicity of purpose.

Sometimes, bigger birds come by to see what the fuss is about. We have seen a blue jay and a pigeon in addition to robins. They seem to lose interest once they realize the feeder is too small for them. They don’t seem to disturb the smaller birds. which in itself is interesting to me.

Among the smaller birds, we have seen chickadees, other finches, the junco in particular and the goldfinches and sparrows. It strikes me again and again how colorful and cool and completely accepting of others, each bird appears to be. I find myself looking forward to seeing these little ones every day. Its like this greeting they bring to our lives, without which something is incomplete.

In honor of these birds, let me end with a beloved Rumi quote as translated by Coleman Barks:

Birds make great, sky-circles of their freedom.

How do they learn it? They fall. And in falling

Are given wings

 

If you would like, do check out Mary Oliver’s poem ‘Invitation’, another favorite of mine, about goldfinches in particular.

Peace and metta to you,

Shuba

photo-19

Night lights…

Last night was my first night with Abhi traveling. I stayed up too late after Anjali went to bed, reading a novel (set in Victorian times with some amount of gothic suspense, which is one of my favorite kinds…). By the time I hit the bed, I was imagining sounds of spooky houses and gardens around me. It took me a few minutes to align my senses with Anji’s breathing, sleeping on the mattress next to our bed. Then everything was fine.

Not to say the night was uneventful. right around 1.00am, Anjali woke up crying. I comforted her, put her in bed next to me, and realized after checking the time, that Abhi had probably just landed in Frankfurt, en route to Jeddah in Saudi Arabia. She was probably in sync with him, as they always are, sharing a special language of their own, father and daughter, and missing him.

My own dad had called me up Friday evening at around 4.30, which was around 3.00 am his time. My phone which has gone through many trials and tribulations ( as some of my friends may know from first hand details) now works for the most part, except the phone doesn’t ring when someone calls. Or rather it probably rings, but not in any frequency I can hear. So unless you are looking at the iPhone and see a face coming by, you won’t actually know someone is calling until you see the missed call later. But at that instant,at 4.30pm, in my car after my chiropractor appointment, with Anji behind in the car seat, just before I was about to pull out of the parking, I happened to check my phone and saw appa’s face. It felt so good!

My dad has a strange and comforting way of being there for me, more so when Abhi is traveling. It’s as if his sixth sense kicks in. It’s happened in the past when we went through some pretty lousy medical stuff while Abhi was traveling. He would call at the right time, and he was able to be present no matter what my emotions at the moment. On this Friday evening, my heart was gladdened hearing Appa’s voice. I could see Anjali’s smiling face in the rear view mirror, her sparkly eyes lighting up listening to me talk. as always, perfectly in sync.

So tonight, now that the novel is finished, and Anji is sleeping, the house feels quiet. A lingering sense of peace. Abhi has landed in Jeddah, and resting his weary body after traveling for over 24 hours. We got to see him for a few minutes on video, and as always he looked so great, even after traveling for so long. I don’t know how my amazing hubby manages that! :) I have let the dishes pile up, but I’m okay letting my obsessive compulsive cleaner off the hook tonight. Anji has cleaned up her toys before going to bed, and I have our Christmas lights on in the living room ( yeah already!) so our living room has a cozy glow. Time has slowed down tonight. Now it is time to hit the bed…

Namaste and peace to you.