I first came across this poem about a hole in the sidewalk, titled ‘Autobiography in five short chapters‘ by Portia Nelson, in Mark Nepo’s book Finding Inner Courage, a few years ago. It is a profound poem and somehow stuck in my head and I keep finding meaning from it in layers. Today’s blog is a commentary on this poem from my own experience…I have taken the liberty of splitting up the poem here. Thank you Portia for this gem!

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE CHAPTERS
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Anyone on a spiritual journey knows that the first step to freedom is to stop blaming others and accept responsibility: The first couple of paragraphs speak to this journey of moving towards acceptance.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

The third paragraph of course makes sense. Those of us who start paying attention to our habitual ways of being, know that we keep finding ourselves over and over in similar patterns. And as we move towards freedom, even if we make the same mistakes, it becomes easier to recover and know where we are. We learn to become intimate with our own suffering – which is what the Buddha points to in the first noble truth.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

And just as there is suffering, there is also the end of suffering! As we start to know our own habits, we are slowly able to walk around the holes – to see them coming and take appropriate (skillful) action.

V
I walk down another street.

Finally, this past month, I realized what the last paragraph is talking about: we become so acquainted with our patterns and disenchanted with them, knowing where they will lead, that we realize there is a different way of doing things! We could walk down another street! We have the choice to not take the same street anymore. The new street may have other obstacles of course, but we are no longer stuck in our old patterns. We have the choice to try something new. This newness has a taste of equanimity, of wonder, of ease and of freedom!

How does this poem speak to you?

With love, Subha