Lessons from the ocean…

Posted on August 3, 2020 by Shuba

What is it about the ocean that brings such peace? Is there anything that I could say that has not been said before, and more eloquently than others?

Even so, I’m going to try to capture some felt experiences of being at the beach this past week in Maine:

Things arise and they pass away. If you pay attention, you can just discern a wave crashing, even as another is rising…and it is a never ending cycle. Just like the breath. That is comforting. It also reminded me of a powerful realization that my breath will be with my until the moment I die! Literally. So, if I am ever terrified or scared, I just need to remember to breathe. I actually understood what Rumi meant by: ‘Don’t let your throat tighten with fear. Take sips of breath all day and night!’.

What wild abandon looks like. My daughter Anjali is a water lover and a good swimmer. At nine, she sits down on the sand and lets the waves crash over her. She jumps into waves. She runs a race with them. She lays down and allows the ocean to embrace her. I have never met anyone like her, with no fear, and no self-consciousness. And the water was ice-cold! It was inspiring and it pushed me to let go a little bit of control. To let go, and lean in. Into the unknown and the uncertainty of this moment!

Thoughts arise and pass. We don’t have to act on them. We can, if we choose to. But there is that moment of choice, and in that moment also abides the freedom. If only we can slow down. It is easy to slow down by the ocean, to be lulled into the state of being, witnessing and abiding in love.

When we relax into the moment, give up our plans and agendas, we actually have more energy! I found that I had boundless energy to go with the flow, and at the end of the day, I felt at peace. No resistance, no pushing away.

So much beauty surrounds us. We can so easily take it for granted. Especially now, more than ever, we see our surroundings with new eyes. ‘A feeling of fullness comes, but usually it takes some bread to bring it. Beauty surrounds us, but usually we need to be walking in a garden to know it.’ (Rumi)

Appreciating the body. The body without which experience on this earth would not be possible. As Mary Oliver says in ‘Red bird explains himself’, “for truly the body needs a song, a spirit, a soul. And no less, to make this work, the soul has need of a body, and I am both of the earth and I am of the inexplicable beauty of heaven“.

So, let’s breathe. Feel the ocean within us. And ‘enjoy this being washed with a secret we sometimes know, and then not’ (Rumi)

With prayers and love,
S.

Mindfulness teacher training program…

Posted on July 14, 2020 by Shuba

From the time I attended my first meditation retreat, I have been drawn to the practice of sitting and looking within. When I sit on my cushion, everything becomes clearer. Initially, I tried my hand at zen meditation, mindfulness in the Thich Nhat Hanh lineage, meditation with Sally Kempton and other techniques before I found the insight tradition in 2007. Each of these practices have their own wisdom and flavor. With insight meditation, it just felt like home; perhaps because it is less structured and more flexible than other practices. But it wasn’t until my first metta retreat in 2008 that I really felt like I came home. Perhaps it is Michele Mcdonald’s way of teaching, or the timing, but my soul deeply recognized the need for the loving-kindness, for unconditional love as a practice to cultivate mindfulness and wisdom.

Becoming a mom in 2010 changed my life profoundly in many ways and you can read about my first year for free on Kindle! In particular, I had less time for longer retreats, and more opportunities to practice mindfulness in daily life! With kids, especially when they are younger, you run into the same challenges over and over and there is plenty of opportunity for the practice of starting anew!

Anjali will be nearly ten this Fall. Time has flown by. And somehow organically, it feels like the right time to deepen my own practice. I’m excited to share the news that I have been accepted into a two-year mindfulness teacher training program, that will begin in Feb 2021. I learned about the program from Doreen Schweizer, my teacher with Valley Insight. It is taught by Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach and the way it is structured appealed to me immediately! The application and acceptance happened quickly! And while the program won’t begin until winter 2021, I’m currently doing one of the prerequisite courses this summer, a seven week course called the Power of Awareness.

How do I describe what it is like to dive into this course? It is like smelling a rose all over again, as if for the first time. Or sinking into the soft sands of the beach after being away. Sure you have been in ponds and lakes, but we are now talking about being back at the ocean! You know that feeling?

The lessons involve talks, instructions for home practice, journaling and guided meditations as well as community mentoring zoom sessions. It is forcing me to be more disciplined about sitting for at least 20 minutes everyday, which sometimes feels like a challenge. And yet, what I am discovering is a joy, a happiness, even a delight, in doing something I have always loved!

I think of this practice as remembering presence, or maintaining a continuity in the train of mindfulness, during the course of the day. There are more moments in each day that I am aware of my body and emotions. Of course, there are plenty of moments when familiar patterns of reactivity still arise, and sometimes I am able to see them more clearly. I’m noticing resistance at times to new ways of meditating, while at other times, the mindfulness practice feels very complementary to metta. As Rumi reminds us, ‘There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.’

Sometimes I wonder how I could possibly train to be a meditation teacher! I love meditating but I don’t always like talking afterward! Will I have the wisdom necessary? Or the patience? On the other hand, there are definitely moments when I am day dreaming of what talks I will give as a teacher! LOL! And I haven’t even started the training program yet! When that or this happens, I notice, smile, and let it go. Come back to this moment, right here, right now. And begin again.

With love, S.

Balance…

Posted on November 21, 2014 by Shuba

I was reading a magazine today and came across the bio of the author: ‘she balances being senior editor with yoga and teaching’, or something of the kind. I have read so many such bios, and written such bios of myself. Somehow today it made me pause: the word, ‘Balance’. We are always balancing. We are juggling so many things in life, and learning to balance on the ice, without letting it all drop. We lose our balance a lot – and that’s partly how we learn which direction we have to lean again – to regain our balance.

This month has been a lot about this lesson of balance for me. After a packed few months of so many events – birthdays, Diwali, Halloween, and work and doing too many things, my body took a pause. I had a really bad cold and it lasted for about 10 days. It forced me to get a lot of rest, less of talking, less of doing, and more of surrender. It was a reminder that we can’t always do things simply by force of will. The heart needs to follow. And as the beautiful poem by Daniel Mead, pasted on the door of my room reminds me, ‘a flower cannot be opened by a hammer’.

I had taken up swim lessons and confronting my deep fears from nearly drowning once. Watching Anji had inspired me and I was determined to ‘do it!’ this time. My body did not feel the same way. I have managed to attend classes once a week instead of two – and have had a lot of pain in left arm from possibly over-rotating. And then I couldn’t go, because I got sick. Maybe group lessons are not for me. I have also realized that maybe no push is needed.. Maybe the only deadline is my own. Maybe it will all happen in good time. Maybe I don’t need to ‘swim’ by tomorrow!

I had also resolved in the beginning of November, to commit to a more regular yoga practice. This has also been really powerful. It has also brought many questions into my attention. What modifications can I offer myself when I am sick? Can I be kind? Can I redefine success? I have not been on my yoga mat everyday, but my resolution has been successful nevertheless. I have come to yoga more often, and that has been super. I also found that since I had committed to only 5 poses, that was simple to practice and I didn’t always need to dedicate 45 minutes to an hour to practice. Sometimes 20 minutes was plenty. I also found that I had to bring mindfulness to how much I wanted to do each day, where my body was, and which poses. It has been a creative exercise as well as one of bringing attention. I have done poses I haven’t in a long time. I have also just showed up and done legs up the wall pose. My body leading the way has made me happier. And realizing that there is nobody else judging this but myself has been liberating, as always. I can be softer, kinder and when I do, I miraculously bring this into my life.

As Rumi says, ‘let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground’. May all our paths lead to more ways of discovering this…

Peace to you and happy thanksgiving!

Shuba

November challenges: the mindful way…

Posted on November 2, 2014 by Shuba

November the 1st. How this year is flying by! One of the books that I have been reading and rereading three past couple of months is the ‘happiness project’ by Gretchen Rubin. I have found it a fun read and also incredibly useful in reminding me about intentions and resolutions. I can really relate to Gretchen and I think it is helping me keep some of my controlling behavior in check and let go a little more. I have tried to become more mindful of my complaints and criticisms, especially in my relationship with my close ones. I have become more mindful of bringing in more lightness into my life. I am trying to pause more and take in more. Especially more delight around Anjali. Many small changes, and now I am ready for two big ones. Here they are!

1) Take care of my body. I used to be a serious yogi – yoga everyday, classes twice a week, retreats and so on. Becoming a mom changed my priorities hugely and in unexpected ways. And somehow I have drifted away from paying attention to my body. My yoga practice has dwindled to mostly supportive poses to offer respite from busy days, but not strengthening in any way. My massage today was as usual, an eye opener to how much stress I carry in my body. I would like to change this relationship and take better care of my body. So here is my challenge for November:

To do yoga everyday,at least five poses. The five poses I have chosen are: child’s pose, downward dog, plank, forward bend and triangle or tree pose. I could certainly do more if time permits, but I got to do these five at least once everyday for the month of November. It has been ages since I challenged myself, and I think I am ready to do so now. Anjali can be a witness if she would like, as she usually is, to any major happenings in the house 🙂

2) keep a gratitude journal. What better month than November, the month of thanksgiving? I journal frequently and often write about what I am grateful for. But writing for myself makes me lazy sometimes and I hope making this a deliberate and more public resolution will make me more accountable. I’m sure I will have thoughts to share!

If you would like to join me on one or both challenges, please do so and let me know through the comments! Your support is always appreciated. I don’t intend to make my posts on these public on Facebook, so if you would like to follow, please sign up on my blog!

Wish me luck,

With peace, s.

Edited with BlogPad Pro

The goldfinches…

Posted on April 23, 2014 by Shuba

Greetings on a rainy spring day from New England. As I type this blog, two goldfinches are right outside our window at the bird feeder, patiently having their meal/snack. They are not multi-tasking, they are not talking, they are in the moment, eating. Nothing else. Isn’t that cool!? That feels like a luxury these days. How any days have you been completely mindful of what you are eating in the moment, and not multi-tasking (or thinking other thoughts/planning? ). For me, it is very few. Mostly by the time I remember, I am at the last few bites, which I try at least to remember to eat mindfully.

While there is so much I want to write about: about why it has been so long since I wrote in this space and what is happening in my world and about the realizations and insights and circumstances of my life, what I find myself writing about, are these gold finches.

Right now, one waits patiently in the branch while the others complete their feed. They don’t fight, there seems no animosity or sense of ‘lack’. The bird on the branch seems as content waiting as the bird on the feeder. When I saw this the first time, I thought it was pretty cool, especially since this bird feeder is only about a month old. After the long winter, surely there must be a dearth of food. I would have thought they would be fighting. Atleast if they were human beings, they probably would. They never seem to. And again, they seem to bring this complete presence to the moment, a simplicity of purpose.

Sometimes, bigger birds come by to see what the fuss is about. We have seen a blue jay and a pigeon in addition to robins. They seem to lose interest once they realize the feeder is too small for them. They don’t seem to disturb the smaller birds. which in itself is interesting to me.

Among the smaller birds, we have seen chickadees, other finches, the junco in particular and the goldfinches and sparrows. It strikes me again and again how colorful and cool and completely accepting of others, each bird appears to be. I find myself looking forward to seeing these little ones every day. Its like this greeting they bring to our lives, without which something is incomplete.

In honor of these birds, let me end with a beloved Rumi quote as translated by Coleman Barks:

Birds make great, sky-circles of their freedom.

How do they learn it? They fall. And in falling

Are given wings.

If you would like, do check out Mary Oliver’s poem ‘Invitation’, another favorite of mine, about goldfinches in particular.

Peace and metta to you,