Tag Archives: self-care

Awakening Beauty, Peace, and Freedom in Ordinary Moments | Mindfulness Practice

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Photo by Fabien Burgue on Pexels.com

So much of our life is filled with ordinary moments. Like waking up. Brushing our teeth. Having breakfast. Going for work. Grocery shopping. Walking in the neighborhood. Talking to friends. Reading a book. Do these ordinary moments have the potential to wake us up to beauty, peace and freedom? This inquiry has guided most of my life and practice these past few years.

In my experience, mindfulness is very much flavored by kindness and caring. We pay attention because we care and vice versa. The Buddha talks about metta (loosely translated as friendliness or kindness) as an abiding/quality/recollection that:

“Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding”.

-Buddha (in Karaniya Metta Sutta)

So this practice of mindfulness/insight meditation/clear seeing is very much about being present and wakeful in every part of our day. And especially in noticing the every day moments of ease, joy and wonder and turning towards what is wholesome.

In Buddhism, it’s considered appropriate and helpful to cultivate and enhance our well-being. It is all too easy to overlook the well-being that is easily available in daily life. Even taking time to enjoy one’s tea or the sunset can be a training in letting in well-being.

-Gil Fronsdal, Tricycle, 2022

The urgency in my own practice has arisen from wanting to be present for as much as possible of my daughter’s childhood. First when she was an infant, then a toddler, a preschooler, and now – a teen. She inspires me to practice every day. Talking about mindfulness isn’t the same as practice! It becomes very clear when I am with her. Am I walking the walk? Am I present when she shares her worries and fears? When she shares her joys and excitement? What is the quality of attention? Is there kindness? And am I present for the ordinary moments – of walking alongside her and getting a glimpse of the world through her eyes.

It turns out it doesn’t matter why we practice – because slowly our brains start to rewire. The urgency I felt to be awake in her presence spread to others. My time with my beloved too was precious. So was my time with my students, with my parents, my friends, my colleagues and those around me. How I showed up for others mattered. How I showed up for myself mattered.

And that is the magic of mindfulness – these new neuronal pathways that are created simply by paying attention – they make it possible for us to wake up and see clearly the truth of the way things are. Life is impermanent. There is joy. Peace is possible. On this day, in this moment, right here, right now. We just need to show up for it!

With love, S.

The presence of connection…

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I read this quote recently from Gabor Mate:

“Safety is not the absence of threat but the presence of connection.”

-Gabor Mate

I was spending a week at Exeter, NH at a math camp for educators, and it was a week of immersion – in fun math problems, collaboration, connection and learning. And as I was navigating this week, my practice was becoming aware of the absence of ill-will, unease, discomfort and stress. One of the reasons for attuning to this was that sleep had been strangely elusive in the dorm rooms and after a couple of days of this, I was starting to feel very tired. Noticing the absence of stress and tension was a way of staying present and realizing that even if I was tired, there need not be judgment or tightness around it.

Sometimes at these events, the tiredness and social interactions can manifest in me as reactivity towards personalities or ideas. Somehow this week however, there was complete absence of this reactivity perhaps due to conditions both internal and external. Externally, I was in classes with some exceptionally kind educators – thoughtful and generous. Internally, I was able to bring a steadiness and care towards my work. And solving problems and learning with others were both feeling so good for my brain that it didn’t seem to matter that I was tired!

So mid-week, when I read this quote from Gabor Mate, I realized (for the nth time!) that awareness of the absence of dis-ease is the space that opens to the presence of ease. The absence of ill-will lends itself to the unfolding of good-will or metta (loving-kindness). The absence of stress and disconnection allows for the presence of connection. And friendship flowers in the presence of connection.

Earlier this year, I had made a small laminated card of the seven awakening factors for my mindfulness sangha, with the key words offered by buddhist teacher Gil Fronsdal. So, as I sat each morning, I practiced with the seven awakening factors on my card- noticing what was present and what was absent – with curiosity and care – rather than one more thing to beat myself about. I noticed that even when energy was absent, there was kindness. And at times, curiosity was present even if tranquility was not. And one afternoon, walking across the green to one of the sessions, I realized that equanimity was mostly always present! I was able to connect with others easily, let go of any judging and comparing that arose, and I was able to forgive myself and move away from the self-judgment that sometimes seems so ready at hand when tired. And the practice of listening deeply with an open mind and heart was helping me lean into the gift of connection.

So….I am now back at home and enjoyed a good night’s sleep – the first one since Sunday! And I leave you today with this poem I found taped in one of the bathrooms at Phillips Exeter – it inspired me and I hope you find it helpful as well!

With love, Shuba

Pause and Relax…

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This morning I have a chance to do just that – Pause and Relax! It is a snow day and I’m home because school was cancelled. So, I could wake up later than usual and luxuriate in what might be the last snow of the season. The bird activity outside our window is at a high point and I feel the distinct absence of urgency – nothing else feels as pressing as simply being here, watching the birds with my morning chai and banana muffin.

Photo by Anji Sharma

Sometimes this pause comes our way due to circumstances (like this snow!) and at other times, it is a choice we make – to pause and slow down the activity. We do this as an act of care towards ourselves and others – to allow the reactivity to calm down, to notice the momentum that we are almost always caught in. We then have the space to allow the wisdom of our body and heart-mind to inform our next moment.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Viktor E. frankl

Sometimes, we are able to notice the impact of this pause, the freedom, in a big way: maybe we stop ourselves from saying something unkind or we restrain ourselves from hasty action. Other times, the impact of these pauses are imperceptible – a slight shifting in the tide – listening instead of speaking, settling instead of urging, tasting instead of swallowing, seeing instead of scanning past. And somehow, like the ripples in a pond created by a small pebble, the peace that is possible as a result of these tiny pauses ripple out into our worlds – we can show up with greater calmness, compassion and wisdom.

Does this feel true to you in your practice? Does pausing and relaxing/settling into the moment bring greater peace? I invite you to reflect on this inquiry, as a way of sustaining mindfulness. This morning, watching the wind through the pine trees, I feel tremendous gratitude and appreciation for the many gifts of being alive. What is present for you in this moment?

With love,

Shuba